While it feels like every holiday is an excuse to pay tribute to the gods, is there any better time than Thanksgiving? Since animal sacrifices are so passé this year, and we don’t want to incur anybody’s holy wrath, we’ve compiled a list of proper thank-you offerings to our favorite gods across the various Pantheons.
It feels almost insulting to sacrifice an animal to the goddess of the hunt. Instead, how about leaving her one of those fancy watches that counts steps? That way, she can track her calories while she tracks her prey. Though we don’t recommend telling her that she needs to watch her weight—you could end up with an arrow down your throat.
We do NOT recommend that you send Nemesis any of your body parts this year.
While he likes to keep things simple, shouldn’t the king of Asgard feel free to indulge in some bling every once in a while? He’s famous for his trademark eyepatch, so we could give him a fancy new jewel-encrusted one. Maybe he could even convince Thor to set it up to project his favorite TV shows.
We know he’s the bad guy, but even so, who can resist the charms of the Maya god of death, disaster, and darkness? Well, aside from his hygiene problem, which earned him the unfortunate nickname of “The Stinking One.” Why not gift him with some designer soap or a fragrant bath bomb? A little personal care goes a long way to enhance one’s reputation, whether good or evil.
What the Greek goddess of justice cares about most of all is balance. An eye for an eye (Sometimes literally). So, whatever you give her, expect something back in return. The more precious the gift, the better your reward. However, we do NOT recommend that you send Nemesis any of your body parts this year.
The Hindu god of destruction is destined to perform his cosmic dance right before obliterating the earth. We suggest offering him a nice disco ball or a smoke machine so he can groove in style. Why not go out with a bang, right?
This one is simple: Nothing more than a signed declaration that you love her more than you love Poseidon.
How are you planning to give thanks to your favorite god or goddess this year? Let us know!