Before we all dig into Lester Papdopoulos’ deadliest adventure yet, let’s count down the top five times he almost bit the dust.
5. Battle with Nero’s Forces Outside the Grove of Dodona
The Roman god-emperor Nero, AKA “The Beast,” never cared much about environmental regulations. After Lester and Meg learned that this CEO of Evil was planning to torch the sacred oaks in The Hidden Oracle, they found themselves face to face with Nero’s presumably well-paid Germani bodyguards. If Lester hadn’t briefly regained enough divine strength to fight them off, it’s safe to say that his future would have gone up in flames as well.
4. Attack of the Blemmyae
We imagine it’s exceedingly difficult to fight blemmyae. In addition to their significant strength and blind loyalty to unbalanced emperors like Commodus, it’s tough to look them in the eye—you know, considering their unnerving chest-faces. This probably explains why, toward the end of the ex-sun god’s quest in the Cave of Trophonius in The Dark Prophecy, one of them managed to break Lester’s arm before Peaches came to the rescue. Guess that Demon Diaper Baby was good for something after all.
3. Confronting Commodus at the Waystation
Even if Commodus is arguably the least dangerous of the three Roman emperors who make up Triumvirate Holdings, it couldn’t have been easy for Lester to face his former lover during his assault on the Waystation. Commodus, a handsome golden god blessed with an eternal six-pack, vs. Lester, a former handsome golden god, cursed with eternal stubborn stomach flab. If looks could kill, Lester surely wouldn’t have made it out of this one alive.
2. It Was Caligula on the Boat with the Arrow
One of Lester’s closest calls almost came at his own hands. Knowing that Caligula needed Apollo’s body parts in order to transform into the new sun god, Lester threatened in The Burning Maze to commit suicide by aiming the Arrow of Dodona at his own heart. Since his archery skills really aren’t what they used to be, he missed his target and then . . . well, let’s just say someone else had to sacrifice himself instead.
And then Lester was almost crushed to death by a collapsing labyrinth. It was a rough couple of days.
1. Meeting Meg McCaffrey
Got it? Now you can throw this list right out the window, because now that The Tyrant’s Tomb is on bookshelves, we’re going to need a completely new Top 5. Or 10.