Forget 5G capability. Everyone in Olympus knows the fastest way to get ahold of someone is through the messenger of the gods, Iris. As the goddess of rainbows, she has revolutionized how gods and demigods alike communicate with each other, allowing them to instantaneously call one another through rainbow waves. But there’s much more to this goddess than just her fancy video chat software.
A Service Like No Other
It’s impossible to overstate the importance of Iris Messages for the Greek gods. And as for demigods, well, it’s a lifesaver, as we all know how the older generation handles technology. The last thing you want to receive in your inbox is a long, rambling, grammatically incoherent email from Zeus. Or an unfortunate late-night voicemail from a tipsy Dionysus. Suddenly, a golden drachma doesn’t seem like a bad price to pay for the service.
Start the ROFLcopters
Like many innovators who find great success early in their careers, Iris has settled down in the later years of her immortal life. Currently, she runs Rainbow Organic Foods & Lifestyles, your one-stop shop for vegan granola, gluten-free cupcakes, and macrobiotic beef jerky. The store is all-inclusive, too, so whether you’re a demigod, a Cyclops, or even a basilisk, Iris doesn’t discriminate. Just maybe don’t all stop by at once. Didn’t turn out so great last time.
When you hear the phrase “messenger god,” the first name that comes to mind is probably Hermes. And yet, even with Hermes stealing her thunder, Iris is actually on very good terms with him. In fact, Iris is one of the rare gods who has been able to rise above all the pointless, ego-driven drama within Olympus. Goes to show how you can achieve peace of mind when you go full-organic. Either that, or there’s a secret ingredient in those cupcakes she’s not telling us.
The Power of Communication
Iris herself has said that part of the reason she opened her store was due to the fact that mortals never worshipped or built shrines in her name. Which is a shame, because she’s one of the few goddesses who actually seems to have the best interests of demigods at heart. After all, she’s the one who caused Frank to re-evaluate his supposed destiny. Sounds to us like Lester and Meg should stop by and discuss their current troubles with her. Who knows? Maybe Lester could also pick up a masculine accessory bag while he’s at it.
For the last time, it’s not a purse.