Valentine’s Day has come and gone, and unfortunately, many of our favorite gods and demigods were a bit too busy to contribute to this year’s gift guide.
But don’t fret! We’ve dug up some Valentine’s gift suggestions from certain demigods who . . . well, let’s just say that they didn’t have a lot going on this week.
So, whether Valentine’s Day is coming later for you this year, or you just really want to plan ahead for next year, read on to see what these often-overlooked demigods suggest for spreading the love!
“Mom always says that the best gift you can give someone for Valentine’s Day is your time and attention. So just take them out on a nice date, you wimp. My idea of a good date? Late-night wrestling show. Monster truck rally. Hiding stink bombs in Cabin 15. You know, tough stuff. Manly stuff.
“And if anyone says that horse riding on the beach at sunset and sharing deep secrets with someone you love isn’t manly . . . Tell them that they can come and say that to my face.”
Rachel Elizabeth Dare:
“Trust me, you’re asking the wrong person. I’m not even a demigod! But I guess if you really want my opinion, you can never go wrong with some good old-fashioned authenticity. Skip the store and craft something homemade for that special someone in your life. A painting, a poem, a song . . .
“Just be sure that none of these gifts is prophetic about their impending doom. I learned that the hard way!”
“In the past, I would have said something like, ‘Obviously, the best Valentine’s Day present is the most expensive Valentine’s Day present.’ But I like to think that I’ve grown beyond that line of thinking. The more time I spend with my fellow campers, the more I understand that true love doesn’t come with a price tag.
“And it certainly doesn’t come with a 95% off price tag! Ugh. Can you believe that? Sorry, I guess I’m still bitter about a few things from my ‘less enlightened era.’”
(From the Records of) Octavian:
“As Pontifex Maximus, I have little time for fleeting emotions such as romantic love and affection. But I suppose if I had to find a gift for someone on Valentine’s Day, I would venture forth to a Build-A-Bear Workshop. Although I highly doubt that whoever receives my custom-made teddy will be able to grasp its ritual importance and appreciate it on the same level that I do.
“Fortunately, that returning customer discount comes in handy.”
“A Valentine’s Day present? Hmm. Wow. I don’t usually think about that kind of stuff. I don’t really do anything on that day. *YAWN* How about something cozy? Like, a mug of hot chocolate? *YAWN* Or a warm comforter? . . . How about a playlist of relaxing songs. . . Hmm . . . *YAWN* . . . Or what about . . . ZZZZZ”
“Valentine’s Day is icky. But if you choose to celebrate it, I have a really special box of chocolates I’m willing to sell you for a reasonable price. I made them myself. They contain an explosive surprise.”
“Whatever you do, do not buy that box of chocolates from Harley! The whole thing is rigged to blow, as a lot of angry campers found out the other day.
But have no fear, I’m willing to sell you a box of high-quality chocolates for a great price. As long as you don’t ask where I got it from. And ignore the card inside that says ‘To Carlotta with love.’ That’s probably just a mistake.”
Perhaps there’s a reason we don’t ask every demigod to contribute to these holiday gift guides . . .
Do you have any belated Valentine’s Day gift suggestions for your favorite demigods? Be sure to let us know!