If there’s one thing we’ve learned about the Mesopotamian gods since City of the Plague God, it’s this: they’re all, like, totally high-strung. Nergal tried to spread his plague and bad vibes across the entire planet. Ishtar commanded a level of wealth and opulence we could hardly comprehend. Let’s not forget her sister, Erishkigal, ruler of the netherworld. She was somehow even more intimidating than the other two.
And don’t even get us started on that freaky god of insanity or his furious dragon mama. Needless to say, if Lugal and Tiamat get their way, we’re all cooked.
If only there was a single god out there who wasn’t consumed by a thirst for vengeance, an ancient grudge, or a relentless need to train teenagers in the art of slaying demons.
Someone like the nice, peaceful old man in the image above.
Wait . . . you mean to tell us that he’s a god, too?! Whoa. Our minds are totally blown.
Petal to the Metal
That’s right. Dumuzi here is the Mesopotamian god of flowers. And no, we’ve never heard of him, either. But after seeing him in action, we have no doubts about his credentials. Just wait until you read about how he’s able to stand toe-to-toe against a horde of deadly demons armed with nothing more than a daffodil.
But if you ask him directly, Dumuzi might be reluctant to label himself a god at all. He’s way more comfortable with being called a farmer or a gardener. In his own words, the Mesopotamian gods are not omnipotent or omniscient, and they’re certainly not omnibenevolent.
Which suits us fine. We’d have a hard time calling anyone who drives an old beat-up camper van with a Woodstock ’69 bumper sticker a god.
Despite his laid-back attitude, Dumuzi is clearly a force to be reckoned with. But where was his flower power during Sik’s battle with Nergal in Manhattan? Honestly, we’re not sure. But we’re willing to bet he was chilling in his mansion outside of London.
Sorry, did we say mansion? We meant to say commune. Judging from the decrepit state of the building and surrounding neighborhood, Dumuzi takes his core belief that “the world was meant to be shared, not hoarded” very seriously.
You won’t find much furniture, décor, or even working electricity in Dumuzi’s homestead. You will, however, find a few wild animals, an overgrown garden, and at least two housemates named Rainbow, among others. Also, fresh strawberries and the most delicious bowl of hot lentils you’ve ever had.
Everyone is welcome to stay, from out-of-towners like Sik and Daoud to demons like Rabisu. Just don’t hog the vegan cheese, man. Silver Horizon and Moon Flower were up all night making it.
All’s Fair in Love and War
Clearly, someone so averse to material possessions would be hard to tie down. So, it’s no surprise that Dumuzi isn’t the most committed to romantic relationships. Here’s what is surprising: his last significant relationship was with a certain goddess of love of war we all know and . . . love?
Apparently, opposites do attract after all. Ishtar was drawn to Dumuzi because he was so different from all the other suitors who lavished her with jewelry and conquered kingdoms in her name.
Turns out you don’t need to be a macho warrior to win the heart of the most sought-after woman in existence. Ishtar fell for Dumuzi because he was kind, gentle, and had absolutely no expectations for her. Unlike everyone else, he made her forget who she was for a while.
At least at first. Things started to go south once she started excepting something of him.
Dumuzi may be a good caretaker to his housemates, his flowers, and the rams that live on the front lawn, but as a father, he’s kind of, like, a total drag. At least according to Belet. When Ishtar adopted her, Dumuzi was supposed to be Belet’s father. Instead, he came and went at unexpected times.
He was great company when he was around . . . he just wasn’t around as much as Belet would have liked. Some gods just can’t handle the responsibility of fatherhood. Hopefully, by bringing Belet and her friends back to the commune, Dumuzi can start to rebuild his relationship with his daughter.
Because if he doesn’t, we can think of at least one very, very bad god who wouldn’t mind taking Belet under his wing and turning her against those she once loved so dear.
And that would be, like, seriously messed up, you know?
Want to learn more about this old hippie? Be sure to pre-order your copy of Fury of the Dragon Goddess today!