So far, we’ve gathered a lot of useful information from Serwa Boateng’s helpful guides. Not only do we feel more secure in how to defend our communities from all manner of vampires, but we also have a pretty good idea of what to do if we ever find ourselves on the other side of a vampire hunt.
One thing we’re still not sure of, however, is how to effectively negotiate with the Akan gods. Serwa is probably the first person to admit that this is one area of expertise that she hasn’t nailed down yet.
The summoning rituals are long and complicated, and some gods don’t want to meet anywhere other than on their own home turf. And when you finally do get some face time with these divine beings, you’re never sure which version of the god you’re going to be interacting with.
Take Owuo, for example. Who could ever guess that this non-assuming farmer dude is, in actuality, the sadistic and conniving god of death, as well as the direct source of all black magic in the world?
Better get to know this guy now. Because sooner or later, we all meet Owuo.
You might be surprised to discover that much of the conflict between the Abomofuo and the obayifo originates from a very old family drama. Specifically, a major blow-up within the Akan pantheon. More specifically, the falling out between Owuo and his father, Nyame.
Okay, maybe describing patricide as a “falling out” is an understatement. Fortunately, Nyame eventually recovered from being killed by his baby boy. But the Abomofuo will never forgive Owuo for trying to take out the source of their divine wisdom. And that was before Owuo introduced black magic to the world.
Don’t get it twisted, though. Obayifo witches and vampires don’t worship Owuo. Rather, they simply accept death as an inevitable part of life. Only by respecting the power of death are the Obayifo able to live alongside it, instead of living in fear of it. We’re not saying that Owuo isn’t totally sadistic and evil. But maybe we should also listen to those people who see him as a necessary part of life.
Either way, we’re all in agreement that he’s not invited to this year’s family cookout, right?
But let’s say you wanted to schedule a meeting with Owuo for some reason. Despite his history, his predilection for murder, and his super creepy tendency to command the spirits of the afterlife to do his bidding.
Well, you’re not going to find this guy on Zoom. No, you’ll have to go to Asamodo (aka the underworld) without, you know, taking a shortcut into the afterlife.
It’s easy. No Adrinka power required. Just take out the bottle of pure, unfiltered divine wisdom you received from a god or goddess and pour it into the nearest body of water. Could be the ocean, could be a fountain, could even be a toilet (that’s something we wish we hadn’t learned from Serwa).
Then just sit back and wait for your portal to the underworld to appear. Remember, one at a time! No shoving!
You’ll know you’ve reached your destination when you see the old farmhouse with the kitschy floral wallpaper and woven hangings with slogans like Bless this Mess! And Don’t Go Bacon My Heart.
Those, and the hundreds of coffins, of course. But mostly the wallpaper. It’s very distinctive!
Feelings of Isoulation
Not to get into your business or anything, but there’s usually only one reason why a mortal would cross over into Asamodo and pay a visit to the god of death. And it’s typically not for sharing sourdough bread recipes.
It’s far more likely that Owuo possesses something you’re desperate to bargain for. But what can you offer the god of death? Unfortunately, he has no use for money. Owuo would much rather have someone, anyone, to keep him company in the endless twilight of the underworld. Billions of people come to see him, but none of them ever stays.
So, what’s it going to be? Are you going to find some poor soul to move into his farmhouse with him? Or are you going to make the ultimate sacrifice and start packing your own bags?
Maybe you’ll rely on your Slayer training and simply try to pop the dude’s head off before he can claim another captive. We’re still waiting for Serwa to guide us through the right course of action on this one.
By the way, anyone seen her around lately?
Ready to meet the god of death for yourself? Be sure to pick up your copy of Serwa Boateng’s Guide to Witchcraft and Mayhem today!