Congratulations, demigods! You’ve survived another turbulent and treacherous year. But we’re not here to dwell on the past. If you want to make it through 2025 with (at the very least) your sanity intact, you’re going to need some rock-solid New Year’s resolutions.
Thankfully, we’ve compiled several from a few of our favorite gods, demigods, and even a monster or two. Let these hopes and dreams for the future—or a future that never came to be—serve as inspiration as you look forward to conquering the next 12 months!
Mr. D’s Resolution for 1998:
“After reviewing this year’s camp budget, I’ve concluded that we’ve been spending way too much of our discretionary funds on cases of Diet Coke. And I’ve been feeling incredibly bloated recently. Maybe this is the year I switch to herbal tea.”
The Minotaur’s Resolution for 2025:
“I am calling it now—you are all going to refer to 2025 as the Year of the Minotaur. I am planning a comeback, and trust me, it will be BIG. I will not rest until the entire world has seen my underwear!
“. . . Why are you looking at me like that? Are you surprised that I can speak English?”
Ares’s Resolution for 1914:
“I hate to say it, but the human world has been relatively peaceful lately. Maybe, after centuries of carnage and bloodshed, the mortals are finally reaching a new stage of maturity.
“This might be the year I finally hang up the leathers, give peace a chance, and find a new purpose. How does Ares, god of farming sound? Pretty good if you ask me.”
Hazel Levesque’s Resolution for 2025:
“I’m keeping my plans for the new year close to the vest, but let’s just say you shouldn’t be surprised if you start seeing big changes at Camp Jupiter in the coming months. I can’t promise that all my plans will go over well with my fellow campers. But when you’re granted the opportunity to do the right thing, you should take it. Always. No matter how controversial it may be at first.
“Just, uh, don’t rub it in if it turns out to be a complete disaster, please. “
Frank Zhang’s Resolution for 2025:
“This year, I’m going to give all my support to Hazel no matter what. Regardless of my personal feelings about her big plans . . .”
“And I’m going to try my absolute hardest to keep my mouth shut when it all inevitably blows up in her face.”
Mr. D’s Resolution for 2007:
“Whoa! This year’s Diet Coke spending was off the charts! Also, I’ve learned that the ‘diet’ part doesn’t really work if you drink more than a six-pack a day. Who knew?
“I swear, this is the year I make the switch to iced coffee.”
Poseidon’s Resolution for 2005:
“This year I’m finally going to stop fooling around in the mortal world. Amphi doesn’t like it, and I recently made a promise to my charming brothers that I would no longer associate with human women.
“Argh! But I just procured a dynamite new floral button-down. And I feel like it would be a disservice to the mortals if I didn’t show it off at least once. Okay . . . just one short trip to the East Coast. In and out in a few hours. What’s the worst that could happen?”
Nico di Angelo’s Resolution for 2025:
“I’ve spent my entire life jumping from one crisis to the next. Sure, all those experiences helped me grow as a person. And maybe even helped me come to terms with some of my inner demons . . . even though they now mostly exist on the outside.
“But I’m really hoping for one year when I can just relax, take it easy, and enjoy myself. Maybe take a real vacation with Will. Reconnect with Hazel at Camp Jupiter. Oh, and the sooner I can complete my mandatory counseling sessions with Mr. D, the better.”
Ares’s Resolution for 1914, Continued:
“Ah, I just remembered that one of those minor god dorks holds the title ‘God of Farming.’ Triptolemus or something. Oh well, I’m sure one look at my beautiful biceps will convince ol’ Trip to hand over his responsibilities.”
Mr. D’s Resolution for 2019:
“I’ve thought long and hard about this. After taking my health and the financial situation of the camp into consideration, I have decided that I will no longer be ordering cases of Diet Coke.
“It is only going to be sugar-free Coke for me from now on.”
Artemis’s Resolution for 2020:
“I don’t know why, but I can’t shake the feeling that this is the year I should really double down on my plans to isolate myself in the woods.
“Oh, who am I kidding? I say that every year!”
Polyphemus’s Resolution for 2025:
“Enough waiting! This is the year I put myself back on the dating market. No more lonely nights crying over my runaway bride. I just need a new fleece to complete the glow-up!”
Triptolemus’s Resolution for 1914:
“I didn’t have any big plans for this year, but Ares just called to invite me over and share his ideas on how to revolutionize the art of farming.
“The tools he described seemed a bit . . . excessive and unnecessary. But hey, how often does a minor god like myself get the opportunity to privately break bread with one of the Olympians? Barring some major crisis, I predict big things are in store for Triptolemus!”
Mr. D’s Resolution for 2025:
“Eh, whatever. For a change, I guess I’ll try Diet Coke with a slice of lemon or something this year.”
What are your New Year’s resolutions for 2025? Be sure to let us know!