No voyage through the Sea of Monsters is complete without a stop at the recently remodeled C.C.’s Spa and Resort. For years, the enigmatic C.C. and her staff have been providing weary travelers with world-class wellness services, image enhancements, and nutritious fruit smoothies.
And even though C.C.’s Spa and Resort doesn’t seem to appear on any map—online or otherwise—and we have absolutely no idea how to schedule an appointment, this small business continues to thrive. Even in a shaky global economy.
And yet, not everyone walks away from C.C.’s Spa and Resort completely satisfied. Fortunately, these people are complete morons, so we are under no obligation to take their opinions seriously. Unfortunately, certain online platforms have provided these low-class ingrates with the opportunity to libel C.C. and spread dangerous misinformation about her establishment, potentially threatening her livelihood.
So, needless to say, we were thrilled when C.C. herself requested the opportunity to set the record straight and respond to a few of the more unfair and derogatory reviews of her spa and resort.
C.C.: “Thank you for the kind introduction, dear. I will always make time to address the concerns of my cherished clientele. Even if their words are ugly and hurtful. But let’s get started, shall we?”
BethJones46 writes:
“I visited C.C.’s Spa and Resort expecting a day of rest and relaxation. What I was not expecting was for the owner of the establishment herself, C.C., to take me aside and tell me that I have the ‘makings of a powerful sorceress’ and that she was considering taking me under her wing.
“I was a little confused at first, but then a part of me started to believe her. The more she talked about my untapped potential, the more inclined I was to abandon my old life and commit fully to her dark teachings.
“Until she told me she would only train me in the ways of magic if I referred ten of my closest friends to her business. Uh, no. Scam alert! I know a pyramid scheme when I see one, lady.”
C.C.’s response:
“Well, clearly this woman has no sense of humor. Doesn’t know a silly joke when she hears one. Of course I’m not adept in the realm of magic and sorcery. But unlike this woman, I do understand the fundamentals of basic marketing.
“And even if I were a minor sorceress, I certainly wouldn’t need a ‘pyramid scheme’ to recruit more women into my coven. Rather, I imagine that they would regularly line up outside my door for the chance to harness even a fraction of my power.
“Hypothetically, of course.”
pandasnuggles365 writes:
“At first, I was thrilled with the makeover that C.C. and her staff gave me. I had never felt more beautiful in my entire life . . .
“But as the weeks have gone on, I’ve felt more and more empty inside. Like, something is missing from my soul? I don’t know. It’s hard to explain. Even though I’ve been following the exercise plan to a T!
“It’s like, whenever I gaze in the mirror, I know I look bomb, but the rest of my life hasn’t changed at all. My boss still won’t give me a promotion. I still can’t land a second date with anyone on the apps. My friends won’t answer my texts. And the worst part? I can’t. Stop. Thinking. About my appearance! It’s like an all-consuming obsession to be pretty and perfect all the time! Someone please help!”
C.C.’s response:
“Honestly, I don’t see how this is my problem. The poor dear was clearly mentally unwell before she visited the spa.
“If anything, this sounds like her makeover was a little too effective. Which is something I will obviously never apologize for. But perhaps this constructive feedback will be useful. I will be sure to remind future clients that while I can unlock their true potential, I cannot fix their horrible neurotic personalities.”
Warrior_Girl_19 writes:
“I visited C.C.’s Spa and Resort with my boyfriend, but once my makeover was done, he was nowhere to be found! After I searched the resort up and down, C.C. finally told me that he “had to leave suddenly” and he felt our relationship “simply wasn’t working out.
“She refused to offer any further explanation! The Phillip I know would never ghost me like that! I don’t know what’s going on!”
C.C.’s response:
“My goodness. I fail to see how this girl’s failed relationship is relevant to my business at all.
“Why, it’s almost as if she didn’t realize that most men aren’t very kind, thoughtful, or understanding. And they treat women as if we’re fully disposable.
“Certainly, that could never be the case in this unfortunate instance. Or any other instance throughout history . . .”
Dreamweaver999 writes:
“All in all, the resort was lovely. But I didn’t understand why a certain section of the building smelled so unpleasant. Imagine my shock when I discovered an entire room filled with guinea pigs rolling around in their own filth. Just imagine if one of these rodents got loose. Absolutely disgusting. Will never visit again.”
C.C.’s response:
“Well, excuse me for providing a petting zoo-like experience for the children of my clients! Do you realize how difficult it is to receive an official animal welfare license on Aeaea? There are limits even to my power!”
“Also, I can guarantee that the adorable little critters I have selflessly rehoused in my resort are properly groomed and cared for. Would you rather they be left in the wild to starve or get swooped up by hungry birds? Stop being so heartless! I command you!
“. . . I mean, I recommend that you revise your review once you do a little more research, my dear.”
wise_annabeth writes:
“Beware of this place! ‘C.C.’ is just a cover for the immortal sorceress Circe! Her entire agenda is to lure people to her ‘spa and resort’ so she can entrap women and transform men into guinea pigs. You must not trust her under any circumstance, no matter how much she tries to flatter you! We just barely escaped her island with our lives.”
C.C.’s response:
“Now, this review would be funny if it weren’t so sad! I’m afraid that this person is suffering from an unfortunate case of paranoia.
“However, I do vaguely recall a young woman named Annabeth who came in prior to our renovation and desperately beseeched me for a complete and total makeover. I can accept that a few of my visitors will never be satisfied with their results (I can only do so much for certain people, after all), but spreading such obvious mistruths as these just reeks of pettiness.
“Go back to writing fan fiction, Annabeth! I’m sure someone out there will find your little story entertaining. I would just advise injecting a bit more plausibility into your future tales.”
Edward “Blackbeard” Teach writes:
“My crew and I spent hundreds of years in captivity within the hell on earth that is C.C.’s Spa and Resort. Circe’s wicked sorcery transformed us into helpless rodents for her twisted amusement.
“Only with the aid of two intrepid young demigods were we recently able to escape her clutches and leave the wretched island. But not before we leveled the whole blasted building to the ground!
“And even after all those centuries of imprisonment, Circe still has the audacity to send us the bill for the damages. Argh! To call her a witch would be an insult to witches everywhere!”
C.C.’s response:
“And to call you a pig would be an insult to pigs! My only regret is that I did not transform you and your horrible men into worms!
“I’m still awaiting that payment, by the way! And if you happen to see that traitorous wench, Hylla, anywhere, you can tell her that the renovations came out of her severance package! Ha-ha!”
Hylla Ramírez-Arellano writes:
“Hi, Circe. I know you read these comments. I just wanted to let you know that while I enjoyed the time I spent as your secretary, I am currently not looking for a new employment opportunity. I recently accepted a brand-new position as Queen of the Amazons. So, while I appreciate your latest offer, I will have to decline. Hope we can get together and catch up soon, though!”
C.C.’s response:
“Oh. Oh. Q-queen of the Amazons, you say? Well, in that case . . .
“Forget everything I said! All is forgiven! You and the Amazons are welcome back to the island anytime. In fact, I’ll give you and all your friends a 50% discount on all facials! No referrals needed!
“Looking forward to your business, Your Majesty!”
See more of C.C.’s Spa and Resort in the pages of Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Sea of Monsters and in Season 2 of Percy Jackson and the Olympians streaming now on Disney+!