Meeting new people is tough when you’re stuck in one location year after year. And when the few people who are brave or foolish enough to wander into your neighborhood actively avoid you.
All this is to say that the denizens of the Sea of Monsters can get mighty lonely sometimes. Especially when their reputation precedes them. Take Scylla, for example. Her very name has become synonymous with “a terrible decision no one should be forced to make.”
But how often do these so-called nautical nasties get the chance to advocate for themselves? Maybe if more people knew that Scylla was simply looking for new friends and companions (tender, juicy ones), they might try to get to know her better. And in our modern age, we can’t think of a better way to put oneself out there than to post a shiny new online dating profile!
Unfortunately, Scylla’s language is a bit hard to comprehend, so we’ve done our best to translate her various screams and roars into something a bit more coherent. And we hope you appreciate our efforts. We almost lost our whole staff while trying to gather this information!
Name: Scylla
Age: 2,600-ish
Current location: Cute little one-bedroom cave in the downtown area of the Sea of Monsters
Occupation: Legendary sea serpent from myth, aspiring influencer
Height: Taller than you (significantly)
Weight: Heavier than you (significantly)
A Little About Me:
Hey there! I’m a nymph who has undergone a few physical changes in the past couple of centuries. The pic above is what I look like at the moment. If that’s a problem, keep sailing!
What you don’t see is that I actually have four piercing yellow eyes (guess where the other two are, heh-heh). I also possess a few extra heads and necks, but you’ll have to get to know me a bit better before I’m willing to show you those.
I have a self-obsessed sister who loves drama. Her name is Charybdis. We don’t get to see each other much these days, probably because of our polar-opposite personalities. Also, I think she’s a bit jealous when people choose me over her, but that’s none of my business.
I’m currently estranged from my parents. Mainly because I don’t remember who they are. If you’re privy to any information about them, I’d love to hear it! For what it’s worth, some people say I bear a striking resemblance to Apollo.
What I’m Looking For:
Brave sailors looking to take a chance. Ideally, someone who enjoys travel but is ready to settle down in a permanent location as soon as possible. Someone willing to commit to a long-term relationship and leave everything else behind.
It’s best if one doesn’t have friends or family likely to seek vengeance should something horrible happen at sea. Unlike my sister, I prefer to avoid drama.
My Red Flags:
Please don’t show up to our first date with swords or cannons. Those are a big turn-off for me. Take that negative energy elsewhere!
That said, I don’t mind if you bring your friends along. The more the merrier! I get along really well with people who are fun and lively.
And by that, I mean, fully alive. This might make me seem shallow, but I don’t date the undead. It’s not a prejudice, just a preference.
I haven’t had a lot of good experiences with undead sailors in the past. Poor conversationalists, no real thoughts or opinions rattling around in their skulls. A real lack of meat on the bones. I hope this doesn’t make me sound too mean!
Why You Should Date Me:
At some point in our lives, we all find ourselves stuck between a rock and a hard place. Well, I’m here to remind you that some rocks are more beautiful on the inside than they are on the outside. And sometimes that “hard place” is actually warm and cozy! Kind of like a hot tub. You’ll never know unless you get a bit closer.
So, close your eyes, take a deep breath, and let me make the decision for you. And if things feel a little sharp and uncomfortable at first, just relax. Those nasty sensations will all be over soon. Very soon.
Choose Scylla!
See what happens when an intrepid crew of demigods takes Scylla’s bait in Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Sea of Monsters by Rick Riordan!