Don’t get us wrong—we feel nothing but deep respect and admiration toward the Greek gods. But we also recognize that there are a handful of individuals out there who don’t necessarily feel the same way.

Now, most of the Pantheon’s biggest haters are crochety old Titans and rebellious demigods with daddy issues. However, in the spirit of fairness, we must admit that some other people might have a few legitimate grievances with our beloved Olympians. Namely, those who have found themselves on the receiving end of a nasty punishment, horrible curse, or touch of madness courtesy of the gods.

The question is, are these poor, unfortunate souls justified in their animosity toward the gods? Or did they maybe get off a little too easily? That’s what we’re trying to determine here today.

Sounds like a job for an objective third party well-versed in civics, ethics, and criminal law.

But since they didn’t answer our DM, we’ll just have to do it ourselves . . .

The Offender:
Hercules, demigod turned god of strength and bravery. Son of Zeus and the mortal woman Alcmene. The greatest and most famous Greek hero of all. You know who he is.

The Crimes:
• Being a fussy infant
• Throwing temper tantrums throughout his lifetime
• Sacking Troy and killing King Laomedon for a missed payment
• Getting on Hera’s bad side multiple times

The Punishment:
Hera drove him into a homicidal rage, which caused him to merk his own family and eventually undergo the Twelve Labors as a form of repentance.

Was It Fair?
No way! Hera gave Herc the family-killing virus and then forced him to pay for the crimes she caused him to commit?

As much as we stan our unproblematic queen Hera these days, we’re sure even she would admit that she took her feud with Hercules a little too far. Innocent people should never have to pay for someone else’s misdeeds.

The Offender:
Sisyphus, former king of Corinth. Son of Aeolus and Enarete.

The Crimes:
• Murdering random travelers who passed through his kingdom
• Snitching on Zeus
• Cheating death a couple times

The Punishment:
Hades tasked him with rolling a giant boulder up a steep hill. As soon as the boulder reaches the top, it inevitably rolls back down the hill, and Sisyphus has to push it up again. Over and over again. For all eternity.

Was It Fair?
Yup! This dude was a total creep. So we’re not losing any sleep over his unimaginably horrible fate.

And besides, is the punishment really that unimaginably horrible? Job security with minimal oversight, in this economy? Certainly not the worst punishment in the depths of Tartarus. We bet he’s even allowed to listen to podcasts while he works.

The Offender:
Arachne, mortal weaver turned immortal spider monster. Granddaughter of the Titaness Asteria. Mother of all arachnids.

The Crimes:
• Arrogantly claiming that she was a more talented weaver than Athena
• Weaving a tapestry that showcased the gods in an unsavory light during a competition with Athena. Total hit job.

The Punishment:
• Cursed by Athena to live forever as a monstrous spider. Duh.

Was It Fair?
Yes and no. Was it cool for Athena to transform someone into a spider without their consent? Definitely not.
Did Athena also give Arachne a new lease on life and a purpose as the progenitor of a species vital to our ecosystem? All while allowing Arachne to pursue her passion for weaving to her heart’s content? Yes!

The Offenders:
The Gorgon Sisters: Medusa, Stheno, and Euryale. Cursed daughters of Phorcys and Keto.

The Crimes:
• For Medusa, betraying her vow to worship only Athena by hanging out with Poseidon . . . in Athena’s temple
• For Stheno and Euryale, helping to sneak Medusa into said temple

The Punishment:
Athena transformed Medusa into a monster with snakes for hair and a gaze that turns people into stone. Stheno and Euryale were also cursed to become Gorgons, but they retained the ability to maintain eye contact with others.

Was It Fair?
No! We’re not going to pretend that we know how it feels when one of your most devout worshippers betrays you and starts spending time with your main godly rival. But by now, we can all agree that the Gorgon sisters were simply pawns in a greater feud between Athena and Poseidon.

And, as if the unprompted makeover wasn’t demeaning enough, Medusa’s severed head has been used as a weapon by gods and demigods alike since her initial punishment. Talk about disrespectful. As a wise sage once said, “Get a job. Stay away from her!”

The Offender:
Narcissus, hunter and teenage heartthrob

The Crime:
Being extremely vain and self-obsessed

The Punishment:
The goddess Nemesis cursed him to become even more vain and self-obsessed than he already was, resulting in him falling in love with his own reflection.

Was It Fair?
Yes! We didn’t know what Narcissus was like before his curse, but from everything we’ve heard, he was likely going to fall in love with his reflection at some point anyway, regardless of Nemesis’s intervention.

The Offender:
Echo, a mountain nymph

The Crime:
Distracting Hera with small talk while her husband, Zeus, went off to have affairs with other women

The Punishment:
Hera cursed her to lose her ability to speak except for repeating the last words of others.

Was It Fair?
No! (No . . . no . . .)

Echo was yet another pawn of the gods, punished simply for following Zeus’s instructions. She was forever doomed to be as annoying as a bratty third grader trying to get a rise out of you. (You . . . you . . .)

The Offender:
Andromeda, former princess of Ethiopia. Daughter of Queen Cassiopeia.

The Crime:
Andromeda’s mother claimed that her daughter was more beautiful than Poseidon’s Nereids.

The Punishment:
Poseidon sent one of his sea monsters to destroy Andromeda’s city.

Was It Fair?
Maybe? Summoning an ancestor of Godzilla to destroy a city filled with innocent people seems like an overreaction on Poseidon’s part. But the beast was swiftly defeated by the hero Perseus.

And some self-proclaimed scholars claim that the whole attack was an elaborate setup so Andromeda and Perseus could meet and eventually fall in love. Kind of like the ancient Greek equivalent of your distant uncle setting you up on a blind date. Remember, kids, this is how people used to meet before the age of dating apps!

The Offender:
Tantalus, former king. Son of Zeus (Really? This guy? Can we get someone to double-check that?).

The Crime:
Testing the gods’ omniscience by killing his son Pelops, cooking him, and serving him to them as a meal

The Punishment:
Zeus zapped him into Tartarus, where Hades cursed him by keeping food and drink always just beyond his reach. (As for Pelops, he was resurrected and eventually became a king who stayed away from kitchens.)

Was It Fair?
Yes! If Tantalus were half as smart as he claims to be, he should have assumed that the gods would discover his dastardly deed and give him some kind of horrible punishment. Tantalus really has no one to blame but himself for the tragic fate of being tantalized for eternity. Especially because he was testing the gods out of extreme hubris.

That said, we never felt pity for Tantalus until his brief assignment as Camp Half-Blood’s substitute activities director. Eternal starvation is one thing, but ceaseless mockery from Mr. D and a legion of teenage demigods due to his objectively hilarious curse? We wouldn’t wish that fate on even our worst enemy.

Which godly punishments do you feel were the most justified, and which do you think were totally unfair? Be sure to let us know!