Welcome to Camp Half-Blood! And congratulations on surviving whatever traumatic experience may have occurred to you/your friends/your family before you arrived at this little slice of Greek paradise.

And, uh, sorry if any of your loved ones are temporarily trapped in an alternate realm of existence. We’re sure you’ll see them again after you’ve received some valuable character development.

For now, though, you newbies must have a lot of questions. Questions such as: Where am I? How did I get here? Am I in danger? Am I dissociating? Why is my best friend suddenly walking around on hooves?

Fear not, we promise that all your questions will be answered in due course. Once the orientation video finally stops buffering.

Until then, heed the words of Chiron and Dionysus (aka Mr. D). The two most senior staff members of CHB have graciously taken time out of their busy schedules to share words of wisdom with new arrivals as we enter the summer session. So please, stop screaming and listen carefully to your elders. . . .

Gather Your Bearings and Get Situated

Chiron: “Greetings and welcome to Camp Half-Blood. We understand that this may be an overwhelming experience for you. But rest assured that all will be explained in due time.

“As you may already be aware, my name is Chiron, and I am the activities director here at Camp Half-Blood. If you’ve studied your Greek history, you might recognize me as the trainer of great heroes such as Hercules. It is my duty and honor to help mold young demigods into true, pure-hearted heroes.

“And this is my colleague, the director of Camp Half-Blood: Dionysus, god of wine and fertility.”

Dionysus: “That’s Mr. D to you kiddos.”

Chiron: “As you must have surmised by now, Camp Half-Blood is quite different from your typical summer camp. This is a very special place for very special youngsters.

“If you arrived here with a satyr companion, you must understand that great powers are at work in your life, shaping your destiny. The forces you call the Greek gods are very real, and very much alive . . .”

Dionysus Mr. D: “Ah, don’t smother them in exposition, Chiron. Just rip the Band-Aid off.

“Surprise, kid! Your estranged mommy or daddy is a god. Which makes you a true-blue demigod. And honestly, you must be pretty dense if you made it all the way here without connecting those dots.”

Chiron: “Another thing you may have already realized: the life of a demigod is fraught with danger. The primary reasons you have been brought to camp are to keep you safe from that danger and give you the tools to face it head-on.

“And of course, to build connections with your fellow demigods. Including the other members of your family tree.”

Mr. D: “But don’t come on too strong out of the gate. Remember, these are human teenagers grappling with both hormones and junior-size powers of the gods. Most of these kids have major attitude problems.”

Chiron: “Dionysus . . .”

Mr. D: “All I’m saying is you shouldn’t expect too many, if any, lifelong friendships. Or any kind of romance hat survives beyond the summer. In that way, at least, I guess this is just like a regular human camp. Ha!”

Take Time to Explore

Chiron: “If you don’t feel ready to socialize with the other campers just yet, perhaps you would like a tour of our unique facilities.

“Just beyond the horizon, you can make out the archery range. And there’s our canoeing lake . . . the amphitheater . . . the strawberry fields . . . the combat arena . . . the dining pavilion.

“And that’s the arts-and-crafts center over there . . . and the stables. And before you ask, no, that’s not where I live.”

Mr. D: “Oh, you see that cave in the distance? Avoid it unless you’re summoned by the Oracle herself. And don’t even think about going near the bunker in the forest unless you’re a child of Hephaestus. Unless you want your face blown up in an engineering accident.

“In fact, first-years should stay away from the forest in general without supervision. We’ve got a few mythics living there, and they’re more unpredictable than your fellow campers.

“Also, for your own sake, please leave the wood nymphs alone. Flirt with the wrong one and you could end up losing half a century off your life. Trust me, I speak from experience.”

Be Patient Regarding Cabin Assignments

Chiron: “Cabin assignments for new campers are determined by your godly parent. However, demigods must be officially claimed by their godly parent before they are allowed to set foot in their designated cabin.”

Mr. D: “Yeah, and don’t take it personally if you’re not claimed immediately. We gods lead very hectic lives. Always working, always grinding. It’s just part of our culture.

“Now where’s that dryad with my Diet Coke refill?”

Chiron: “Fear not, Hermes’s Cabin graciously offers lodging for any campers not immediately claimed by their godly parent.

“The cabin is always a bit crowded at the start of the summer session, so we recommend that you pick your bed as soon as possible. We apologize for the inconvenience.”

Mr. D: “But it is what it is. And pay no mind to those nice, clean, roomy cabins that stand mostly empty all year-round. Like Zeus’s Cabin. And Hera’s. And Poseidon’s . . . and Artemis’s . . . and Hades’s . . . We know what you’re thinking but stay out!

“You know what? Forget I said anything. We really do not have the energy to deal with another demigod uprising regarding housing equality this year. At least wait until my sentence here is over before starting your little color revolution. Please.”

Immerse Yourself in New Activities

Chiron: “We don’t expect any campers, new or old, to stay cooped up inside their cabins all day anyway. Camp Half-Blood offers plenty of activities meant to train you in the use of your demigod abilities. Everything from capture the flag, to climbing the lava wall, to pegasus riding lessons, to sword fighting, to nightly outdoor sing-alongs by the campfire. And recently, the nereids have agreed to teach classes in underwater basket weaving!”

Mr. D: “Before you ask, the chariot races are still banned. Now and forever. If that’s disappointing to hear, maybe send an application to Camp Jupiter instead.”

Chiron: “And if you ever need to unwind for a bit, you can always join Mr. D and me for our afternoon card games over here at the Big House.”

Mr. D: Sigh “If you must. And

if you can handle being labeled a nerd for preferring to spend time with a couple of old geezers over kids your own age. Seriously, these little devils will find any excuse to tease a newbie.”

“Just don’t forget that I am a god, so if you’re coming by for a friendly visit, I do require a burnt offering as tribute. Although I do prefer my meats well done.”

Get Settled and Make Yourself at Home . . . Unless You Have Better Things to Do

Chiron: “One thing you should know is that most of our campers join us for the summer session only, but a few stay with us year-round.”

Mr. D: “Unless, of course, you’re whisked away on a quest outside the camp barriers a few days after your arrival.”

Chiron: “This happens rarely. But every once in a while, a small team of demigods receives a quest and a prophecy from the Oracle—”

Mr. D: “Who is much less disturbing to be around these days, I might add.”

Chiron: “And they must set off on their own to resolve an important issue, often related to the well-being of Olympus or the mortal world itself. Without our direct supervision. In other words, you and your companions would be completely on your own.

“Not to worry, though, very seldomly are first-years assigned a quest.”

Mr. D: “Yeah, but they might be conscripted to fight in a war! No use coddling the kids, Chiron. These past few sessions have been highly dangerous for demigods both old and new.”

Chiron: “But we truly believe that the worst is over. And we have come out on the other side stronger than ever. Our enemies have been scattered to the wind. Demigod relations with mythics have improved. And the children of many of the minor gods finally have cabins of their own.

“And, if you can believe it, Mr. D has even begun new mental health services for campers who are struggling to adjust to their new surroundings.”

Mr. D: “Right, right. Aside from the deadly combat and training, camp is real nice and peaceful these days.

“But if crap hits the fan again and you are summoned on another quest, just try to complete it quickly. You’re never going to make a lasting impression here if you’re gone for half the summer. Just ask, uh . . . that floppy-haired kid of Poseidon from a couple years ago. I can’t even remember his name!”

“Oh, and one last thing: We’re not stupid. We know you kids are going to want to sneak out after curfew. All we ask is that you don’t wander too far in the forest, don’t enter any strictly off-limits buildings, don’t mess with the strawberries, and don’t ask the dryads to fix you a midnight snack. And most important: don’t leave the barriers of camp without express written permission.

“For your own safety. Because if you travel a few miles past our borders, you may wind up in a strange and perilous land that even the gods fear to tread: the heart of Long Island!”

Now that you (hopefully) have a slightly better understanding of Camp Half-Blood, it’s time to pack your bags and wait for your bunk assignment. Stay tuned in the coming weeks for breakdowns of all the major cabins!

What are you most looking forward to this summer session? Be sure to let us know!