Behold Cabin Twelve!
Now get lost!
You see, unlike most of his fellow Olympians, your old pal Mr. D continues to remain completely faithful to his dear wife, Princess Ariadne, goddess of labyrinths and paths. As a result, the only campers to reside in Cabin Twelve in recent years have been their twin sons, Pollux and Castor (RIP).
So, you’re better off just moving along and ignoring this building. No matter how much you want to uncover the secrets hiding inside.
But don’t take it from us . . .
Special Message from Mr. D, Camp Half-Blood Director, Regarding Cabin Twelve:
“Just so we’re clear: I am not claiming you as my kid. I don’t care how desperate you are for a strong father figure. I don’t care how much we look alike. I don’t care if you believe that cozying up with the camp director will make your summer somehow less miserable.
“I’m. Not. Claiming. You.
“So, pay no mind to Cabin Twelve. Don’t ask me what’s inside. And don’t bother Pollux about it either.
“Not that I can necessarily blame you for your curiosity. Cabin Twelve is the place to be. If you could see the interior, it would totally blow your mind.
“Really, if there’s one cabin at Camp Half-Blood capable of throwing a party worthy of the gods, it’s Cabin Twelve. You can understand why I, the god of festivity, might feel a twinge of regret that the cabin is practically empty most of the time.
“But Camp Half-Blood isn’t the right environment for that. You’re here to develop your skills, learn new things, compete against one another, and figure out the best ways not to die after you leave.
“But I guess if some enterprising young campers were really that desperate to pay me tribute—and didn’t care about the dire consequences of breaking our sacred camp rules—they could organize and throw an epic party in Cabin Twelve after lights out. They would need to be completely boneheaded, though.
“Naturally, I would never condone such action. I want to make that very clear. In case any of your parents are listening.
“But I also recognize the limits of my power. If enough of you little half-godlings banded together to do something stupid . . . well, I’m not sure I’d have it in me to get up from my chair and stop you kids from making such a huge mistake. I’m only one god, after all!
“All I can really do is share the top five most important rules you must adhere to while hosting a summer Dionysia . . .
Rule #1: Choose the right occasion to celebrate
“And throw your party before you and your friends embark on a quest from the Oracle. You’re going to want to get all that nervous energy out of your system prior to your big adventure.
“Also, if you returned from said quest missing a limb or an eye, or, gods forbid, one of your friends didn’t return from the quest at all . . . that would be way too much of a bummer. Total vibe killer.
Rule #2: Keep the invite list as large and open as possible
“Yeah, yeah, I know you probably think the kids in the Hephaestus cabin are sweaty and stinky. And the Athena’s kids are stuck-up know-it-alls. And the Aphrodite’s kids are vapid and shallow.
“But we’re doing our best to foster a kind and inclusive environment here at Camp Half-Blood. In other words, try not to shun the weird kids.
“Besides, the entire point of a Dionysia is to break down barriers between different types of people. Except for the nymphs. Don’t invite the nymphs. I’ll tell you why when you’re older.
“The dryads are fun though. And the satyrs . . . well, best to invite them on a case-by-case basis.
Rule #3: Break out the best refreshments
“You’re going to want to bring the most delicious snacks and most refreshing drinks you can muster. Nothing stronger than Kool-Aid or Capri Sun for you kiddos, of course. Heh-heh.
“You’ll have to sacrifice the tastiest refreshments to the gods just to keep the party relatively stable. For example, a sacrifice to Ares will help prevent any needless fights from breaking out. A special prayer to Apollo will hopefully stop any of his kids from grinding the fun to a complete halt by playing a cover of “Wonderwall” on the lyre. *Shudder.*
Rule #4: Dress to impress
“Would it kill you to clean yourself up a little? I swear, most of you look like you spend all day in the pegasus stables.
“If you have any doubts, just look to me as a style guide. Admittedly, I don’t spend a lot of time in the human world, but my understanding is that Hawaiian shirts and pink parkas never go out of fashion.
Rule #5: Clean up after yourselves and don’t trash the place!
“I’ve seen how some of you treat your own cabins. If I find Cabin Twelve in a rough spot after your completely unsanctioned Dionysia, your punishment will be twice as severe!
“Don’t climb the grapevines. Don’t break or puke into my giant lovely vases. And if I discover anything missing or out of place, I’m just going to assume Hermes Cabin is responsible.
“Of course, these rules are all strictly theoretical. Again, I must stress that I absolutely cannot condone any unsanctioned parties or after-hour gatherings on the campgrounds.
“I know you kids are desperate to find some way to unwind after all the near-death experiences with mythics and whatnot, but you’re better off spending your free time on something wholesome, like shooting off fireworks or feeding the Myrmekes.
“I’m not discouraging you from partying because I’m a buzzkill. Far from it. I simply know how serious and deadly parties can get on Mount Olympus, and I don’t want to see you follow in our footsteps and get hurt. It’s not all fun and games. A bad Dionysia can lead to the very collapse of civilization. Good ones can too.
“Because, take it from me, there’s a fine line between complete ecstasy and complete madness. And only a select few can survive a true Olympian-style party unscathed.
“Then again, if you can throw a party so grand and glorious that you’re able to drive all of your fellow campers beyond the brink of insanity . . . well, I may have no choice but to claim you as one of my children after all!”
Are you ready to party on Camp Half-Blood? What are you going to bring to Cabin Twelve? Be sure to let us know! (We promise we won’t tell Mr. D.)