Sometimes the scariest monsters wear the friendliest faces. They lure you in with a trusting smile and a warm “hello,” then attack when you least expect it.
That’s not the case with the haint known as Patty Roller. Even if she weren’t an evil spirit, we’d cross the street if we saw anyone wearing that glaringly white pantsuit in public. As if the various monsters Tristan Strong has had to face up to now weren’t horrifying enough already.
just listen closely until you hear “I’ll hunt you down, you pathetic little worm!” That’s usually a pretty good indicator that she’s nearby.
What’s in a Name?
As with many of the worst monsters, Patty Roller’s name has hidden meaning. Specifically, it invokes the term patroller. As in slave patrol. We don’t need to tell you why that’s bad news for Tristan and his friends. Her goal is to capture “problem children” and bring them to a “well-structured environment” where they can be taught “appropriate behavior.” Anytime an adult’s motivations require that many quotation marks, you know it’s time to run for your life.
Look Out on the Water
One of Patty Roller’s modes of transportation is an old-fashioned steamboat, perfect for capturing children who happen to be traveling up and down the Mississippi River. You can usually identify the vessel by its white color with a signature red stripe . . . and its monstrous tentacles. Or as Tristan calls them, haintacles. Basically, the ship runs on pure nightmare fuel.
And if you can’t see the ship coming through the fog, just listen closely until you hear “I’ll hunt you down, you pathetic little worm!” That’s usually a pretty good indicator that she’s nearby.
Everyone Needs a Hobby
Obviously, Patty Roller doesn’t spend all her time capturing children and stripping them of their magic. She’s also the owner and operator of Patty Roller’s Wig Emporium, a totally real outlet that sells totally real products. Here you’ll find any type of hairdo you need to blend into human society.
Any reports of bloodthirsty monsters within the store just stem from a few nasty, fabricated online reviews.
Like many haints (and non-haints) before her, Patty Roller’s thoughts on American history can be a bit restrictive, to say the least. She wants to whitewash the history of the Black experience in the United States and ignore the grim realities of enslavement. Thankfully, Tristan Strong is smart enough to know that it’s not a real education if certain omissions are made. And not everyone who chooses to gloss over the truths of American history comes with sharp teeth and translucent skin.
That said, teachers who do have sharp teeth and translucent skin are particularly dangerous.
Want to learn more about Patty Roller’s evil ways? Be sure to pick up Tristan Strong Keeps Punching, on sale 10/5!